Overwhelm, coping and getting past it altogether

There has been some interesting discussion in chats recently on this. People have described ways of not being overwhelmed in situations where most of us would and others have devised interesting ways of getting around the problem.

So, have you expanded or removed an overwhelmed imposed limit? Or have you found a way around it when there is no avoiding an overwhelming situation?

I'd like to hear about it. I'll add my own later. I've gotten some fascinating insights from others so far.

"I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps...

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps...

I needed this today. Thank you.

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps...

Absolutely...and well put!

I think... these days...after being away from 'the job' for a year now...I have had a good chance to clearly perceive and control my feelings toward this. I have purposely made my 'down time' as rewarding as possible 'creatively' or relaxing wise thereby feeling mostly in control in those moments that i am out and about 'socially' in the world.
Going with the 'flow of the stream' rather than being an obstacle against it. As said... I cannot 'control' other emotions...nor would I...but rather set aside and 'observe' things and my reactions to them as calm as I may. I still learn daily from this! I am grateful for the 'clarity' to do so also...
Life...with ALL of its simplicity or complexity is beautiful!
blessings...
b.d.

this is a chat we had a little while ago about limits that is very illuminating

.

[21:49:11 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : she gave me some insight from an earlier chat today.

[21:49:21 26/07/10] Alethia : cc.

[21:49:39 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : we were discussing limits and overwhelm today.

[21:49:45 26/07/10] Alethia : cc.

[21:49:46 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and it led to an insight for both of us.

[21:49:55 26/07/10] Alethia : which was.

[21:50:18 26/07/10] Alethia : early to bed early to rise......

[21:50:21 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : sometimes a need to express can remove a limit in its way.

[21:51:02 26/07/10] Alethia : so the need.

[21:51:09 26/07/10] Alethia : moves something.

[21:51:12 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : also when that limit is removed other things are let in too.

[21:51:15 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[21:51:33 26/07/10] Alethia : like getting ones needs met.

[21:51:40 26/07/10] Alethia : allowing in.

[21:51:40 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[21:51:47 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : exactly.

[21:51:59 26/07/10] Alethia : yes crucial.

[21:52:01 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : allowing in what normally would be far too much.

[21:52:28 26/07/10] Alethia : comes in a way.

[21:52:34 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : This is what the thread I started is about.

[21:52:35 26/07/10] Alethia : that suits you.

[21:52:49 26/07/10] Alethia : in the way you can work with it...

[21:52:53 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[21:52:57 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : I have not done this but she has.

[21:53:03 26/07/10] Alethia : still experince it.

[21:53:11 26/07/10] Alethia : in way that is compatible.

[21:53:13 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[21:53:17 26/07/10] Alethia : to your needs.

[21:53:26 26/07/10] Alethia : it happens now to me.

[21:53:43 26/07/10] Alethia : trusting helps.

[21:53:46 26/07/10] @ Nucky : ..

[21:53:50 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[21:53:56 26/07/10] Alethia : that it will come in the way you need.

[21:54:03 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : it is in removing that limit that allowed her to trust.

[21:54:24 26/07/10] Alethia : limited vision.......

[21:54:27 26/07/10] Alethia : comes to mind.

[21:54:29 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : which led to more openness overall.

[21:54:47 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[21:54:53 26/07/10] Alethia : sharing helps.

[21:55:01 26/07/10] Alethia : opening up and sharing.

[21:55:13 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[21:55:22 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : but sharing is not why she opened up.

[21:55:23 26/07/10] Alethia : and trusting.

[21:55:24 26/07/10] @ Nucky : yep.

[21:55:29 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor :

[21:55:41 26/07/10] @ Nucky : lol.

[21:55:42 26/07/10] Alethia : yes initiatlly.

[21:55:51 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : initially.

[21:55:56 26/07/10] Alethia : her intention.

[21:56:03 26/07/10] Alethia : initially.

[21:56:05 26/07/10] Alethia : was.

[21:56:20 26/07/10] Alethia : to enjoy the expereince.

[21:56:21 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : to find a way to express rage without hurting anyone.

[21:56:49 26/07/10] Alethia : is that her subconcious reason.

[21:56:55 26/07/10] Alethia : or her intention.

[21:56:55 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : no.

[21:57:00 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : intention.

[21:57:01 26/07/10] Alethia : at the time.

[21:57:02 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : back in hs.

[21:57:03 26/07/10] Alethia : ccc.

[21:57:11 26/07/10] Alethia : to rage safely.

[21:57:20 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[21:57:21 26/07/10] Alethia : so the universe.

[21:57:28 26/07/10] Alethia : complied.

[21:57:35 26/07/10] Alethia : found what she needed.

[21:57:40 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and more.

[21:57:53 26/07/10] Alethia : merged her into a space of others....

[21:58:22 26/07/10] Alethia : who understood.

[21:58:32 26/07/10] Alethia : the same feeling...

[21:58:32 26/07/10] @

[21:59:39 26/07/10] Alethia : the places we least expect.

[21:59:45 26/07/10] Alethia : can be the most empowering.

[21:59:46 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : in allowing being bumped into and letting others in her personal space.

[22:00:00 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : she found she could let others in in other ways.

[22:00:28 26/07/10] Alethia : cc.

[22:00:46 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so removing the limit of personal space invasion, she found much.

[22:00:52 26/07/10] Alethia : less personal.....initially.

[22:01:01 26/07/10] Alethia : but yes it opened her.

[22:01:11 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : imaging a crowd.

[22:01:15 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : all slamming into you.

[22:01:17 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : no space.

[22:01:18 26/07/10] Alethia : and space invasion is biggy.

[22:01:20 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : no room.

[22:01:27 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : to me that is horrid.

[22:01:36 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so she says for me that is a limit.

[22:01:47 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : this is what started all of this a few days ago.

[22:01:53 26/07/10] Alethia : that you can enjoy in another way.

[22:02:08 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[22:02:42 26/07/10] Alethia : so your need is to find anther form.

[22:02:50 26/07/10] Alethia : or that you dont need that.

[22:02:51 26/07/10] Alethia : form.

[22:02:55 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so today we looked deeper and found the connection between need and limits.

[22:02:59 26/07/10] Alethia : but some do.

[22:03:04 26/07/10] Alethia : and.

[22:03:24 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : as I said.

[22:03:26 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : lol.

[22:03:39 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : it was a day for insights.

[22:03:47 26/07/10] Alethia : oh we already covered it lol.

[22:04:04 26/07/10] @ Nucky : lol.

[22:04:14 26/07/10] Alethia : righto seems we are all back in the mix..the hsp brew....

[22:04:24 26/07/10] @ Nucky : indeed.

[22:04:33 26/07/10] Alethia : bit of this bit of that.......and hey presto.

[22:04:50 26/07/10] Alethia : we get the same answers ....but for different reasons.

[22:04:57 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : I found it amusing you took my thread off topic in the very first post....

[22:05:10 26/07/10] @ Nucky : lol.

[22:05:11 26/07/10] Alethia : what would we do without each other....

[22:05:17 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : about dealing with other's limits.

[22:05:18 26/07/10] Alethia : huh.

[22:05:25 26/07/10] Alethia : what.

[22:05:31 26/07/10] Alethia : what did I do.

[22:05:36 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : that is where you took it.

[22:05:37 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : lol.

[22:05:44 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : another topic altogether.

[22:05:48 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : a good one too though.

[22:05:55 26/07/10] Alethia : I didnt know.

[22:06:07 26/07/10] Alethia : just connected me to that.

[22:06:23 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : as it does.

[22:06:30 26/07/10] Alethia : funny.

[22:06:30 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and it resonated with Rivershine.

[22:06:42 26/07/10] Alethia : I questioned that a few times.

[22:06:55 26/07/10] Alethia : before posting.

[22:06:56 26/07/10] Alethia : it.

[22:07:03 26/07/10] Alethia : I thought will I.

[22:07:11 26/07/10] Alethia : wont I.

[22:07:21 26/07/10] Alethia : and then thought yeah feels right.

[22:07:25 26/07/10] Alethia : what the heck.

[22:07:32 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : roflol.

[22:07:34 26/07/10] Alethia : didnt think about it being off.

[22:07:36 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : your normal answer.

[22:07:36 26/07/10] @ Nucky : lol.

[22:07:38 26/07/10] Alethia : topic.

[22:07:41 26/07/10] Alethia : not at all.

[22:07:49 26/07/10] Alethia : sorry.

[22:07:56 26/07/10] Alethia : didnt mean to do that.

[22:07:56 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : it's ok.

[22:08:02 26/07/10] Alethia : I feel bad now.

[22:08:04 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : like I said, that one is good too.

[22:08:11 26/07/10] @ Nucky : it didn't seem off-topic to me either.

[22:08:41 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : mine was about one's own limits and overwhelm.

[22:08:55 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : hers was about dealing with other's limits.

[22:09:04 26/07/10] @ Nucky : ok.

[22:09:04 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : both good topics.

[22:09:28 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and btw, related.

[22:09:39 26/07/10] @ Nucky : yeah, they are related.

[22:10:36 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so I will sit back and see where the thread goes.

[22:10:43 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : see what develops.

[22:11:15 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and hope it doesn't just fizzle, lol.

[22:11:40 26/07/10] @ Nucky : lol.

[22:12:21 26/07/10] Alethia : well maybe you could reemphasize your orignal quesion in the next post....

[22:12:24 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : with that thread, I didn't want to give insight, I wanted to gain it.

[22:12:50 26/07/10] Alethia : to bring it back.

[22:12:52 26/07/10] Alethia : to topic.

[22:12:53 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : maybe.

[22:12:58 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : or just wait a bit.

[22:13:07 26/07/10] Alethia : and I will limit myself.

[22:13:12 26/07/10] Alethia : lol.

[22:13:13 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : if I do post it will be to deal with both topics.

[22:13:21 26/07/10] Alethia : to keeping my mouth shut.

[22:13:21 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : no, don't limit yourself.

[22:13:33 26/07/10] @ Nucky : no.

[22:13:35 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : I am not mad, more amused really.

[22:13:47 26/07/10] Alethia : I know.

[22:14:18 26/07/10] @ Nucky : as a fellow INFP, your post made perfect sense in the context.

[22:14:22 26/07/10] Alethia : you just kinda hit me in sudden realization...

[22:14:34 26/07/10] Alethia : about where I took it....

[22:15:44 26/07/10] Alethia : I am still confused somewhat.

[22:15:47 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : something in where you took it was where you needed to be.

[22:15:59 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : an issue you are grappling with.

[22:16:36 26/07/10] Alethia : no a realization more than anything.

[22:16:59 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and it was?.

[22:17:58 26/07/10] Alethia : well without love and compassion for me I cannot help others....

[22:18:22 26/07/10] Alethia : fully.

[22:18:39 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[22:19:20 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : do you mean other's love and compassion for you or your own?.

[22:19:21 26/07/10] @ Nucky : indeed.

[22:19:26 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : cause both are needed.

[22:19:30 26/07/10] @ Nucky : yes.

[22:19:55 26/07/10] Alethia : my own for what I do.....

[22:20:11 26/07/10] Alethia : if I carry it within..........the rest follows.

[22:20:15 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : it is crucial.

[22:20:21 26/07/10] Alethia : as intended.

[22:20:42 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so your limit was how you felt about yourself before.

[22:21:01 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : in removing it, you found you were able to help fully.

[22:21:36 26/07/10] Alethia : its confusing to me.

[22:21:59 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : heh, I may post this portion of the chat as my reply, the part talking about limits.

[22:22:05 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : why is it confusing?.

[22:22:11 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : it makes perfect sense to me.

[22:22:48 26/07/10] @ Nucky : it makes sense to me too.

[22:22:50 26/07/10] Alethia : because I post what resonates and what resonates is what I am now....where I come from within....

[22:23:06 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[22:23:07 26/07/10] Alethia : I dont anlazyse things like I used to....

[22:23:22 26/07/10] Alethia : I just go with who I am....

[22:23:28 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : you use pure intution and empathy.

[22:23:29 26/07/10] Alethia : and everything falls into place.

[22:23:40 26/07/10] Alethia : to accomodate me.

[22:23:47 26/07/10] Alethia : and my needs.

[22:23:53 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : in the process you've come to love yourself.

[22:23:59 26/07/10] Alethia : oh yes.

[22:24:04 26/07/10] Alethia : very much so.

[22:24:20 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : and not loving yourself is a huge limit.

[22:24:33 26/07/10] @ Nucky : indeed.

[22:24:34 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[22:24:38 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : a good message for others to here.

[22:24:41 26/07/10] @ Nucky : I love myself much better than I used to.

[22:24:53 26/07/10] Alethia : I love myself now.

[22:25:00 26/07/10] Alethia : to the core of who I am....

[22:25:17 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : you are worth loving.

[22:25:23 26/07/10] @ Nucky : yes.

[22:25:31 26/07/10] Alethia : I feel that.

[22:25:31 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so am I.

[22:25:36 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[22:25:41 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : so are we all.

[22:25:43 26/07/10] @ Nucky : yes.

[22:25:53 26/07/10] Alethia : of course.

[22:26:06 26/07/10] Alethia : if we can experince that so can others.

[22:26:14 26/07/10] Alethia : it is attainable.

[22:26:15 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yet we are told in so many ways we are not.....

[22:26:19 26/07/10] Alethia : for anyone who wants it.

[22:26:22 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : exactly.

[22:26:44 26/07/10] Alethia : what you want can be more powerful.

[22:26:49 26/07/10] Alethia : than what you are told.

[22:27:02 26/07/10] Alethia : if you come from the heart....

[22:27:03 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : thank goodness for that.

[22:27:10 26/07/10] Alethia : the core of who you are.

[22:27:16 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[22:27:17 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : always listen to your heart.

[22:27:19 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : your core.

[22:27:23 26/07/10] Alethia : yes.

[22:27:32 26/07/10] @ Nucky : yes.

[22:27:36 26/07/10] Alethia : even if like me something resonates.

[22:27:42 26/07/10] Alethia : and you dont know why.

[22:27:49 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[22:27:56 26/07/10] Alethia : but you trust it is right.

[22:28:03 26/07/10] Alethia : for whatever reason.

[22:28:09 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : if something resonates with me, I just trust it is right.

[22:28:26 26/07/10] Alethia : remember this space is new for me....

[22:28:38 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : yes.

[22:28:49 26/07/10] Alethia : its like learning anything new.

[22:28:54 26/07/10] @ melodiccolor : but soon it will be so comfortable you'll wonder about the other

What is the other thread you are chatting about?

I wanted to add a coping mechanism I have brought into myself lately. That is to allow what is happening internally, to observe it and to experience it. I am talking primarily about painful things. In the past I have always struggled against it, denied it, or just blamed myself for feeling pain about something. The blaming myself part is very convoluted, but a definite victim mentality.
I certainly don't like feeling pain, or overwhelm, but when I look at it, go into it and accept it being there, I can get past it quicker.

A less used (for me) coping mechanism is to write about it. Lots of time I don't like to write things down because that makes ideas concrete. But, to avoid writing a painful episode down and making it "black and white" seems to be part of the denying I like to do. Making it "real" is also what makes it a good coping mechanism. That may be why I avoid the phone, chats or talking to people unless I am really really in a lot of pain.
Isn't it funny that sometimes we like to avoid what we know will help us.
I'd like to know why I don't want to ask for help. It's not that I don't acknowledge that I need it, I just don't want to "bother" anyone. This is all very dysfunctional and I can see it coming from a childhood where my thoughts and emotions were mostly discounted.

Bluedream wrote:

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps...

Absolutely...and well put!

I think... these days...after being away from 'the job' for a year now...I have had a good chance to clearly perceive and control my feelings toward this. I have purposely made my 'down time' as rewarding as possible 'creatively' or relaxing wise thereby feeling mostly in control in those moments that i am out and about 'socially' in the world.
Going with the 'flow of the stream' rather than being an obstacle against it. As said... I cannot 'control' other emotions...nor would I...but rather set aside and 'observe' things and my reactions to them as calm as I may. I still learn daily from this! I am grateful for the 'clarity' to do so also...
Life...with ALL of its simplicity or complexity is beautiful!
blessings...

b.d.

Yes loving and taking care of onself is crucial bluedream.......finding that balance definitely helps to cope with the situations that might otherwise be out of control..had we neglected our own self care.....
I guess this affirmation in some ways shows when we remove the limitations of the mind...our conditioned self....believing the things we are conditioned to believe.......we have the capacity to reach the core of our being...which is love........and in love we open the path to the natural states of connecting and sharing....and in this space we can recognise our own needs naturally without conflict and of course be their for others in this space of love in balance......

BlueTopaz wrote:What is the other thread you are chatting about?

I wanted to add a coping mechanism I have brought into myself lately. That is to allow what is happening internally, to observe it and to experience it. I am talking primarily about painful things. In the past I have always struggled against it, denied it, or just blamed myself for feeling pain about something. The blaming myself part is very convoluted, but a definite victim mentality.
I certainly don't like feeling pain, or overwhelm, but when I look at it, go into it and accept it being there, I can get past it quicker.

A less used (for me) coping mechanism is to write about it. Lots of time I don't like to write things down because that makes ideas concrete. But, to avoid writing a painful episode down and making it "black and white" seems to be part of the denying I like to do. Making it "real" is also what makes it a good coping mechanism. That may be why I avoid the phone, chats or talking to people unless I am really really in a lot of pain.
Isn't it funny that sometimes we like to avoid what we know will help us.
I'd like to know why I don't want to ask for help. It's not that I don't acknowledge that I need it, I just don't want to "bother" anyone. This is all very dysfunctional and I can see it coming from a childhood where my thoughts and emotions were mostly discounted.

So would it be fair to say that accepting environmental overload too would allow one to recover from it faster? I wasn't even thinking about emotional overload when I started this thread, but the idea that it might also help with environmental overload is intriguing too.

or even completely bypassing it and switching it off till you can deal with it later. i know in some huge moments where you cant have the freedom to feal and breakdown, you must set aside for the moment. put that mask on and march forward and make your mark or stand.
for many times the mosh pits were the result. after having to take and take the bs i let down my wall of personal space to go mosh and let the rage out.

for environmental overload im not sure what constitutes as that lol. it take a guess, the noisy cars,jackhmmers,trains and such. being i have lived in a noisy city all my life i havent had much problems with that.
well there is "creating my space" that happened all the time too.
in "creating my space" i would plug my ears into headphones and draw,walk,ride a bike. completely making my own world absorbed in my thoughts, feelings,or what i was doing. because i never had my space, i would have to go find it or create it.
oddly too , i like junkyard music. lol. some one beating on a pan then a garbage pale making a beat. its easy to take noise and transfer it to music. most people working outside dont even realize they make their nosie in their own beat.

I'm sorry, I guess I missed the point of the thread.
For environmental stuff, I guess it depends on the "overload".
Is it pain, as in what an HSP feels, or simple (or not so simple) irritation?
I've been told to imagine myself as transparent and let the noise or whatever pass right through me. That might work for irritation...
Don't know about the pain one. I would say, like all pain, it is an indication that you need to remove yourself physically from the situation.

Blue Topaz, I think everyone did, lol. Thus two topics are now being discussed in one thread. They are not unrelated and it is interesting to see what is being posted.

Interesting what you say about pain, because for me, overwhelm is physically painful, that ongoing too loud noise or too bright light. I feel energy and air movements as well as see and hear it.

That said, normal background noise such as traffic on a busy street can be ignored as normal. A jackhammer for a few minutes is ok, but longer will start to hurt unless I am inside so the sound is muffled a bit. It still is uncomfortable. Edie, in that way I deal as you do; I suspect we all do.

I too grew up in a loud chaotic environment, but my way of creating space about me was to disappear into a book to the point of deliberately focusing out all other stimuli. Still, if the noise level rose to painful, that became impossible. So was the air quality; 2 chain smoking parents in a small apartment, plus copious use of sprays and hair spray. But I am used to pain.

I tried one of the "Empath survivability guide" thingies on Elaine Arons site, which is basically imagining putting the me clock to 10, and the others clock, to zero. It really helped me cope with things that would otherwise have depressed and made yesterdays party worse. It worked really well. When I do that excercice, I can feel what I want and feel, nnot linger on all the feelings of the people around me.

Anarkandi, can you post a link or the text of what that technique is for people who are unfamiliar with it? It does sound helpful.

Alethia wrote:

Bluedream wrote:

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps...

Absolutely...and well put!

I think... these days...after being away from 'the job' for a year now...I have had a good chance to clearly perceive and control my feelings toward this. I have purposely made my 'down time' as rewarding as possible 'creatively' or relaxing wise thereby feeling mostly in control in those moments that i am out and about 'socially' in the world.
Going with the 'flow of the stream' rather than being an obstacle against it. As said... I cannot 'control' other emotions...nor would I...but rather set aside and 'observe' things and my reactions to them as calm as I may. I still learn daily from this! I am grateful for the 'clarity' to do so also...
Life...with ALL of its simplicity or complexity is beautiful!
blessings...

b.d.

Yes loving and taking care of onself is crucial bluedream.......finding that balance definitely helps to cope with the situations that might otherwise be out of control..had we neglected our own self care.....
I guess this affirmation in some ways shows when we remove the limitations of the mind...our conditioned self....believing the things we are conditioned to believe.......we have the capacity to reach the core of our being...which is love........and in love we open the path to the natural states of connecting and sharing....and in this space we can recognise our own needs naturally without conflict and of course be their for others in this space of love in balance......

Alethia... I like what you said here. It reminded me of a thought that was actually provoked (in a good way) by conversations with melodiccolor in chat... I didn't want the thought to escape me, so I posted it to facebook. Essentially it was... Nobody can take away from us what we don't allow them to take from us. Instead of feeling threatened and determined to raise ourselves up against them either passively or aggressively, perhaps allowing ourselves to feel a sense of pity and compassion for the state of mind and heart so damaged that they feel they must lash out, attack and abuse others is in order. It does not mean that we make of ourselves a walking mat, or allow ourselves to be abused, but compassion goes a long way towards acceptance and the allowing of others to be who they are, when they are... And brings ourselves peace. This is something I'd like to bring into practice more, in my life... It seems as if this approach relates in some ways to your comments.

BlueTopaz... I relate strongly to your post about denying emotions and bad coping mechanisms. I felt like you were reading my mind, actually... it seemed so similar. Sometimes I don't like to write things down, either, cause I just don't want to deal with it at that time. I want to avoid. But the universe has a funny way of making me face things... just at the time I am ready for it, but right about the time I don't want to... but I haveta... LOL! It kinda sucks.

Melodiccolor! Wow! Until you mentioned the hairspray I totally forgot about that! I HATE the smell of hair spray... I feel like I can't breathe! Oh... and being around cigarette smoke for extended periods of time makes me so incredibly sick! I hate it... Today... my cubicle buddy started putting on lotion. I was two feet away from her and it smelled like it was right under my nose. Usually it doesn't bother me, but it did today... and I didn't really like the smell... it smelled flowery but chemically under the flower smell. I used to think that only pregnant people could smell like that... but I'm starting to believe not so! Oh... best time my sense of smell got me... was driving by a neighborhood and smelling watermellon through my open car window. That was rather like heaven... for about 5 seconds! LOL

By the by... I wear earphones most of the time while at work. It also helps me to create my own little world and makes the busy cubicle office life a little more manageable. Though some mornings... it's sleepy and everyone is relatively quiet, which I really like.

sophiabeldris wrote:Nobody can take away from us what we don't allow them to take from us. Instead of feeling threatened and determined to raise ourselves up against them either passively or aggressively, perhaps allowing ourselves to feel a sense of pity and compassion for the state of mind and heart so damaged that they feel they must lash out, attack and abuse others is in order. It does not mean that we make of ourselves a walking mat, or allow ourselves to be abused, but compassion goes a long way towards acceptance and the allowing of others to be who they are, when they are... And brings ourselves peace. This is something I'd like to bring into practice more, in my life... It seems as if this approach relates in some ways to your comments.

This is a great thought. I would love to be able to do this better as well.

I also have had a tendency to lash out in really hurtful ways out of anger and frustration myself. I really want to stop doing this. I've gone about 3 months now without any big incidents.

sophiabeldris wrote:

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps..

perhaps allowing ourselves to feel a sense of pity and compassion for the state of mind and heart so damaged that they feel they must lash out, attack and abuse others is in order. It does not mean that we make of ourselves a walking mat, or allow ourselves to be abused, but compassion goes a long way towards acceptance and the allowing of others to be who they are, when they are... And brings ourselves peace. This is something I'd like to bring into practice more, in my life... It seems as if this approach relates in some ways to your comments.

Yes, I've reached a similar conclusion, I'm ready to love even if others aren't ready to do it, even if people think of me as a walking mat sometimes, or abuse me sometimes, there's like some manner of definition in it too, the thought "if i am to love you you have to love me equally" which is stupid and causes alot of anxiety. I don't need your love. I just need love. My own love and maybe one through connections with people I truly care about.

Oh... and being around cigarette smoke for extended periods of time makes me so incredibly sick! I hate it...

This is pain! I ended a relationship because it was with a smoker. I wasn't able to endure it. o.o

anarkandi wrote:

sophiabeldris wrote:

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps..

perhaps allowing ourselves to feel a sense of pity and compassion for the state of mind and heart so damaged that they feel they must lash out, attack and abuse others is in order. It does not mean that we make of ourselves a walking mat, or allow ourselves to be abused, but compassion goes a long way towards acceptance and the allowing of others to be who they are, when they are... And brings ourselves peace. This is something I'd like to bring into practice more, in my life... It seems as if this approach relates in some ways to your comments.

Yes, I've reached a similar conclusion, I'm ready to love even if others aren't ready to do it, even if people think of me as a walking mat sometimes, or abuse me sometimes, there's like some manner of definition in it too, the thought "if i am to love you you have to love me equally" which is stupid and causes alot of anxiety. I don't need your love. I just need love. My own love and maybe one through connections with people I truly care about.

Oh... and being around cigarette smoke for extended periods of time makes me so incredibly sick! I hate it...

This is pain! I ended a relationship because it was with a smoker. I wasn't able to endure it. o.o

I thought that line needed highlighting....anark....I likey!

sophiabeldris wrote:

Alethia wrote:

Bluedream wrote:

Alethia wrote: "I didn't create any problems for others, and I cannot cure their problems. My only hope is to be there in compassion and love.".............an affirmation that helps...

Absolutely...and well put!

I think... these days...after being away from 'the job' for a year now...I have had a good chance to clearly perceive and control my feelings toward this. I have purposely made my 'down time' as rewarding as possible 'creatively' or relaxing wise thereby feeling mostly in control in those moments that i am out and about 'socially' in the world.
Going with the 'flow of the stream' rather than being an obstacle against it. As said... I cannot 'control' other emotions...nor would I...but rather set aside and 'observe' things and my reactions to them as calm as I may. I still learn daily from this! I am grateful for the 'clarity' to do so also...
Life...with ALL of its simplicity or complexity is beautiful!
blessings...

b.d.

Yes loving and taking care of onself is crucial bluedream.......finding that balance definitely helps to cope with the situations that might otherwise be out of control..had we neglected our own self care.....
I guess this affirmation in some ways shows when we remove the limitations of the mind...our conditioned self....believing the things we are conditioned to believe.......we have the capacity to reach the core of our being...which is love........and in love we open the path to the natural states of connecting and sharing....and in this space we can recognise our own needs naturally without conflict and of course be their for others in this space of love in balance......

Alethia... I like what you said here. It reminded me of a thought that was actually provoked (in a good way) by conversations with melodiccolor in chat... I didn't want the thought to escape me, so I posted it to facebook. Essentially it was... Nobody can take away from us what we don't allow them to take from us. Instead of feeling threatened and determined to raise ourselves up against them either passively or aggressively, perhaps allowing ourselves to feel a sense of pity and compassion for the state of mind and heart so damaged that they feel they must lash out, attack and abuse others is in order. It does not mean that we make of ourselves a walking mat, or allow ourselves to be abused, but compassion goes a long way towards acceptance and the allowing of others to be who they are, when they are... And brings ourselves peace. This is something I'd like to bring into practice more, in my life... It seems as if this approach relates in some ways to your comments.

BlueTopaz... I relate strongly to your post about denying emotions and bad coping mechanisms. I felt like you were reading my mind, actually... it seemed so similar. Sometimes I don't like to write things down, either, cause I just don't want to deal with it at that time. I want to avoid. But the universe has a funny way of making me face things... just at the time I am ready for it, but right about the time I don't want to... but I haveta... LOL! It kinda sucks.

Melodiccolor! Wow! Until you mentioned the hairspray I totally forgot about that! I HATE the smell of hair spray... I feel like I can't breathe! Oh... and being around cigarette smoke for extended periods of time makes me so incredibly sick! I hate it... Today... my cubicle buddy started putting on lotion. I was two feet away from her and it smelled like it was right under my nose. Usually it doesn't bother me, but it did today... and I didn't really like the smell... it smelled flowery but chemically under the flower smell. I used to think that only pregnant people could smell like that... but I'm starting to believe not so! Oh... best time my sense of smell got me... was driving by a neighborhood and smelling watermellon through my open car window. That was rather like heaven... for about 5 seconds! LOL

By the by... I wear earphones most of the time while at work. It also helps me to create my own little world and makes the busy cubicle office life a little more manageable. Though some mornings... it's sleepy and everyone is relatively quiet, which I really like.

Very compassionate words sophia

Not sure how if it fits here, but i did find out, if you finally understand how to "allow" something, you can't just keep on doing that, right from the start. For me it seems like lifting weights. You work and work, until you can finally lift that 100 pounds. Before, the best you could ever do was lift 30 pounds. You still need to keep on practicing lifting that 100 pounds, you can't just keep on lifting that every time you try.

It does relate. For example, I find that as I live a much quieter life now, I am much more sensitive to loud noise than I was as a child in an extremely noisy environment. We can loose conditioning and regain it over time, even for sensory overwhelm.