Jekyll/Hyde personality perception?

Because I have been perceived so a a very few times. I've been described by my family and close friends as very easy going - but only up to a certain level.

Yet, when I was only fifteen, I was taking music lessons, and I couldn't do anything right one day - my mother was with me at the lesson this day, though that was unusual. After the lesson, while waiting for my father to pick us up, my mother mentioned to my teacher that usually I'd "blow up" because he'd pushed me too far that day. But I knew something was wrong, though not sure exactly what was wrong. I didn't have a lesson the next week - my teacher had put a revolver in his mouth and pulled the trigger due to some personal problems - caused by something his wife had done - and she had already passed on at the time! And my mother was right, usually I would only tolerate being treated this way to a certain point. But this day was different due to my own perceptions.

But I've had a very few experiences where people assumed I was a "pushover" due to being easy going, and then were in a state of shock that they'd been "slam danced" when they tried to pull some particularly obnoxious bs with me!

On the other hand, I love country western music, among many genres of music I enjoy, and this is one song I do enjoy - but only in moderation, due to the lyrics of this Billie Jo Spears song. So although it is from a woman's point of view, it kind of explains what I can be like when pushed too far:

Billie_Jo_Spears

*hugs*

I don't listen to alot of country music. I prefer harder stuff. But I do like older stuff such as this.

I don't see you as a pushover or a meany. I see you as strong & caring,

Have a good day!

WD, do you lash out in a hurtful way when you are pushed too far or do you just act decisively to stop whatever it is that is being done?

We all have limits and when they are crossed we do get angry. Personally, I am amazed at how much you do take without taking decisive action. Although I do read the fire within you, I cannot imagine you becoming destructive.

I hear you on this WD and I've done the same thing myself. I'll take things a long time but then I reach the boiling point and look out, everyone duck! Actually, now that I'm more comfortable with who I am, I'm finding that this doesn't happen so much. Now I just make my feelings known in advance. Keeps my blood pressure at a happier level.

WD I have been thinking about this thread when I cannot sleep at night. Lol!

One thing I have noticed is people are appalled when I lose my temper. I am always so easy going and caring. I sit back & take things until I feel like I cannot breath. Then when I get angry it is ugly. I immediately feel bad afterwards though.

I suppose I should be a bitch all the time, then people would not have such a problem when I do finally take up for myself.

I'm pretty quiet and reserved for the most part. When I have to be assertive, I am the Jekyl/Hyde. When I was a kid I'd blow up at any injustice I saw. As I grew older I learned to maintain myself better. It sounds bi-polar, but because I don't do it when it isn't deserved, or perhaps my perception is faulty, but I only switch when I have to. You can't be nice and easy going and make an abrupt change unless you are very skilled at subtle forms of manipulation. I'm retarded when it comes to lying and manipulating. What you see is what you get. I sometimes get annoyed when I see people manipulate. Unless they are really good at it like my son's preschool teacher, I find it flat out fake and annoying. When it's done purposefully and with full conscious effort, it is to be applauded. Well, I am going on and on...so bye for now!

Michelle wrote:Unless they are really good at it like my son's preschool teacher, I find it flat out fake and annoying. When it's done purposefully and with full conscious effort, it is to be applauded.

I very seldom find manipulation an effective way to deal with people, no matter how well it's done, except maybe when one is facing an injustice with someone who is very stubborn and disrespectful. Even then, there's usually a better way IMO.

Manipulation can be an art. I usually find it to be used disrespectfully as well, but it can be used respectfully such as in the case of diplomacy. We all heard the saying, it's not what you say, it's how you say it that matters, right? Well, manipulating your behavior to mirror the one you are trying to persuade is good manipulation. It is done with respectful, conscious effort. Most astounding is that whoever can accomplish this has the ability to control his/her emotions. This is a refined human being, not a crass manipulator like the scoundrels who are pick up artists, bullies, or Cosmo queens trying to land a husband. All in all though, thoughts are things. If our intent is good, it gets picked up even if we are a little matter of fact and to the point about it. I prefer to be straight up with people too. It just feels unnatural to be so beating around the bush and sugar coating and withholding information and wearing a fake smile while being so patient to get your way.

Michelle wrote:Manipulation can be an art. I usually find it to be used disrespectfully as well, but it can be used respectfully such as in the case of diplomacy. We all heard the saying, it's not what you say, it's how you say it that matters, right? Well, manipulating your behavior to mirror the one you are trying to persuade is good manipulation. It is done with respectful, conscious effort. Most astounding is that whoever can accomplish this has the ability to control his/her emotions. This is a refined human being, not a crass manipulator like the scoundrels who are pick up artists, bullies, or Cosmo queens trying to land a husband. All in all though, thoughts are things. If our intent is good, it gets picked up even if we are a little matter of fact and to the point about it. I prefer to be straight up with people too. It just feels unnatural to be so beating around the bush and sugar coating and withholding information and wearing a fake smile while being so patient to get your way.

The benchmarks I look for in cases of manipulation are, is it from the self-serving ego and fear or is it coming from love.

There are three kinds of manipulation. One is to gain at the expense of another. This is the one that people think of when they think of manipulation and it is very toxic. Another kind is to help someone find their own answers to a problem rather than do it for them. This is guiding and mentoring. The other is to manage a group situation so that all benefit and things run smoothly. Under this category falls displomacy as well.

But good manners and other such rituals meant to smooth over conflict are not forms of manipulation as such.