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rombomb wrote:Can you explain this (maybe with hypothetical details rather than personal ones)? And in your explanation, please explain what it means for someone to not love themselves -- I mean, how does it show in his actions (or maybe what sort of thoughts does he have)?

It's not difficult to conceptualize. The person simply has extreme feelings of self-loathing, thinking they're incompetent and detestable, yet may strongly value other people. There is an entire nosological category, the self–other axis, which separates overly selfish individuals from overly selfless ones (a healthy individual would be somewhere in the middle of this gradient). The most obvious example of this would those suffering from dependent personality disorder who'll compromise themselves and their values to get in the good graces of others they can become emotionally reliant upon. Although, dependents simply need someone in this role and are content with anyone they deem suited for such a task and have no special affection for individuals, so I suppose in their case they don't actually love their benefactors.

However, other personality disorders lead to these sorts of self-sacrificing or self-destructive tendencies, like those seen in melancholic personality disorder where one may partake in regular penance rituals but are still also often capable of affection to others. Dependents really just see themselves as incapable of fending for themselves and have poor self-image, but melancholics truly despise themselves. While there are some superficial similarities in a couple of the symptoms, because the causal mechanism for melancholic personality disorder is distinct from dependent personality disorder, the melancholic can have strong affection for others just fine. Melancholics can be invested in others and consider people special and irreplaceable. A dependent would move on the instant a new candidate could be latched onto; they only truly fear the lack of security people can provide for them.

Narcissists make up 2% of the population and 100% of exes.

Saying someone can't be sad because someone may have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because someone has it better