A guy tasers himself to see what it's like (a repost from an email)

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it dipshit," reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note ofcaution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparrently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sence of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe was came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! "If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid."

LOL.
It takes all kinds to make a world.

I must have one of those things! Can you imagine the powerful feeling it must give you to just hold it in your hand, knowing you are protected? Here's hoping an assailant doesn't wrestle it from you and use it on you in an attack. God forbid!

my neighbor just came back from a 3 day course; they all had to 'taze' themselves; if testifying later in court, they will say 'yes, your honor, i've had the tazer course, and been tazed'. neighbor claims that these will work on pcp loaded jerks...he says despite the 'high', the muscle freeze will still take place, and you'll have about 3 seconds to cuff the perp....that's pretty short...i'd havta practice with my cuffs to get that good. not tazing yourself is why electricians always use the back of their hand to test a circuit they're not sure of...this way, the hand makes a fist NOT on the hot wire...

some years back, when second chance vests were 'new', the inventor would shoot himself at cop shows with a .357 magnum...pretty impressive..he had some bruises on his front, too, but that's better than two bloody holes.....fer shure....there used to be a list of lives saved...i lost track about #1,000 or so....

i pretty much had that same electrical experience from getting ahold of that electric fence i have written about before while standing in a trout stream with a 3 pounder on the line....lol! this guy either spoke to someone who's done it, or he ACTUALLY did it...holy shit...cna't believe he'd be that curious...aw, man....that'a funny...nucky, i hope you don't ind...i'm stealing to send to the email list...lol! dipshits are us....

Merlin, like carrying a peestola, never, ever pull it unless you have consciously determined you intend to USE IT RIGHT THEN. this gives you the element of surprise, and, if you truly have your mind made up, it'll happen real quick. be ready to run after you taze them, though, as the effect don't last on someone who's mad or high forever....have a plan b, like a good escape route...
r

Nucky, you circulated the current version of this? I posted a slightly older version from my email circle over on the now defunct vl. It's still hilarious, that someone would actually be this dumb to try that on themselves like that.

I suspect that the story is one of those really good urban myths though.

Merlin, I hope a would be assailant never gets close enough to me for me to actually need a tazer, because if that should happen, I am already lost. So I prefer a weapond of some distance if all other options should fail. So far, my wits have been enough.

two friends of mine, who shot ipsc and idpa a good bit, had a range timer. they got to thinking 'burning all this powder and lead, wonder how close someone has to be before they're too close to get the weapon into use?'...being engineers (toot toot), the decided to scientifically test this situation.....so, being sure they had an empty glock (jeez, no brainer but.....witness the dea guy who shot himself in front of a class of grammer school kids, and i can't spell grammer worht a hit), they started at 50 feet. one ran at the other, while the one being run at hit the timer, and then went for his pistol (under his clothes in deep concealment, like the law in their state requires). down they went...45. 40. 35. 30. 25. 20.....they found, pretty consistently (since they talked some younger guys into doing the running) that inside of 20 feet, your ass is grass if someone wants to hurt you. you will wind up fighting the sob off with one hand trying to get your weapon into action with the other. so, think on this...when do you recognize a threat? if someone is 50 feet away, in a mall, or in a busy street, when will you 'get it'? if your antenna aint up in condition yellow, pretyy much all the time (google 'jeff cooper'), you won't. you gotta be aware or carrying is useless (tazer, knife, pistol, whatever). most people may as well go 'baaaabaaa'. they got their ipod in their ear, or their fing sell phone....or they got their hand in...uh...whatever. and the preds know this, and look for it...they are preds for a reason. their wolf instinct is a big part of their frontal lobe....like a ceo in some major corporation, or obomber, or a clinton....lol! (hadda toss that in, Merlin)

so, there you have it. tazer, nunchuck, glock, karate (hai yah!), any of it...inside of 20 feet, you better have dang good reactions.....i wonder if anyone has ever tried to karate chop their own neck to see if they can knock themselves out? what was that movie? asswipes? jackass? something like that....lol! this tazer trooper shoulda been on that.....
r

I'll bet that 20 foot rule of thumb only ends up applying in significantly less than half of all life threatening situations. After all, it presupposes that the "perp" is running at you full out, which isn't typical.

In truth, I expect that in many life threatening situations, the "victim" doesn't have much time to react. Drive-bys, home invasion, muggings, armed robbery, that sort of thing. In other cases you may have lots of time, but little opportunity, since the "perp" is watching you closely waiting to react to your movements. In both cases, seeing it coming in time to react is quite difficult, and you'll probably be caught unawares even if you do wander around in a totally paranoid state. In fact, wandering around in a hyper-aware paranoid state will probably only end up encouraging you to over-react to non-threatening situations.

Concealed carry works best when it's an "innocent bystander" that's carrying, not the victim. That's the person who can "surprise" the "perp" by getting the drop on him/her with a gun. Sadly, using a gun in such a circumstance isn't self-defense, so it's legality is questionable, but most sane courts would uphold it if the circumstance were sufficiently clear and unambiguous I expect.

The other circumstance where concealed carry works is related. If someone tries to hold up a 7-11, only to have all the other customers in the place draw weapons, then he/she's in a bad situation. Outnumbered, outgunned. Hopefully, in most cases, he/she would simply retreat or surrender, without anyone firing a shot. Ultimately, there's more safety in numbers than in weapons.

No weapon can make you safe. It can make you feel safe, which can indeed decrease your chances of getting hurt, but it's your feelings of safety & self-confidence that does that, not the weapon. Weapons don't create safety - they create injury, pain, and death. That's what they're designed to do, and that's all they do.

'Weapons don't create safety - they create injury, pain, and death. That's what they're designed to do, and that's all they do.'

so true...i'm constantly aware that this .38 special in my pocket is trying to gnaw my leg off, hurts like hell, and wants to kill everyone within its range. my shotgun has threatened me time and time again, until i've got a restraining order against it. it's still growling in the corner, but i feel safer since now the courts and cops are protecting me from it.....

jesus, Justin...that's not worthy of a much considered response. substitute 'people' for weapons in your statement, and we'll be in agreement....you been hanging out with sarah brady too much....

if you want to consider this without such an illogical view, i'll tell you the story of the bbq place on a private thread....
reb

reb wrote:jesus, Justin...that's not worthy of a much considered response. substitute 'people' for weapons in your statement, and we'll be in agreement....you been hanging out with sarah brady too much....

Of course it's the people using the weapons that inflict the injury pain & death. That goes without saying. People use weapons to create such things. That's what they're for, just like I said. You don't need to play that moronic "guns don't kill people - people kill people" card. We're on the same wavelength - or nearly. Close enough anyway.

I'm not anti gun Reb - far from it. I simply think that people mistake guns for safety. It might save your hide in certain circumstances, but in many circumstances it won't. And if you're not careful, it will hurt you, either directly or indirectly. You can argue about that if you want, but I don't see the point. It's all hypothetical anyway (imagined circumstances, imagined solutions, etc), so it's kind of pointless.

J,

1. you anthropomorphize 'weapons' and then call me 'moronic'? lol! youse in a hell of a state....(not where you live physically, i mean-by that standard, i'm in a hell of a state)

2. where's 'safety'? lol!

3. hypodermical is only hypodermical until 'it' happens; then it' sno longer what it was-empty thought.....

naw, there's nothing to argue about...there's nothing 'wrong'. everything's fine just as it 'is', and, as my Dad used to say 'booger, don't worry. it'll all be ok.' by golly, Pops was right!

personally, i look at the fitting of my favorite little toy, and i think 'the person who designed this (john moses browning), and the person who made this were geniuses.' i love it for the care and history and thought it represents...as i do art, or my dogs, or a fine auto, or a great and elegant thought....these things, in fact almost everything (maybe, 'everything'), is art in its purest form-thought come to reality in physical; to assign negative meanings, which i too am guilty of, is to throw away things that should not be pitched....i've tried to stop this, but am not fully successful....
r

Ooooo, lots of openings in that post, especially when I've had a few drinks, like tonight.

Anthropomorphize weapons? Sure I do. Hell, I anthropomorphize everything. There's not one single item in my world that doesn't have both a personality and something to say about nearly everything, but I'd appreciate you not spreading that around. Might get those idiots in white coats looking for me, and I'd rather die without experiencing the loony bin thank you very much.

I don't mess with hypoderms. Not going there - even if it was empty. You know what they say about sharing hypoderms. Bad news.

I think I like your dad Reb, and you know what? I like you too. So there. Still not coming to Texas to dig ditches in 100+ degree weather, but that's another story. I've got my own ditches to dig, and mine require a pick, so stop your complaining and get back to work! (LOL)

Art is everywhere Reb - even in hand guns. And one of these days I'm going to try and tap your expertise in order to solve some of my ignorance about such things. One of these days...

J,

anytime; i'm not 'protective of my knowledge'. when you've had a couple, geta copy of 'the black swan'. it'll bend your mind in a fun way

you're too late on the ditch; the propane guys have not scheduled me; as of this am, after several phone calls, they scheduled for wed, july 30. we'll see (lol! i believe all these people based on past experience).

yep, there is 'personality' all around us. 'made things' have a personality; apart from the 'elements', they also hae some characteristics of both their designer, and their 'maker'. i think this escapes some, but it's amazing how many people do 'get it'. for example, i wound up owning toyotas because of their design; i had a honda, i had a nissan, i had fords, chevys and even a dang volvo 242....but toyota made the most sense to my mind....(the nissan truck i had way back when they were datsun had two sets of points for a 4 cylinder engine....and i coont straighten my legs with the seat all the way back...what a dog!)-made a good camping truck, but it was a pita to drive any distance....
r