Poems By Cats

I Lick Your Nose
I lick your nose
I lick your nose again
I drag my claws down your eyelids
Oh your up? Feed me

This Is My Chair
This is my chair
This is my couch
This is my bed
This is my chaise
This is my settee
Those are my footstools
Those are my rugs
Everywhere is my place to sleep
Perhaps you should just get a hotel room

I Could Pee on This
Her new sweater doesn't smell of me
I could pee on that
She's gone out for the day
and left her laptop on the counter
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed my head away
I could pee on him
She's ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
She's making up for it
by putting me on her lap
I could pee on this!
I could pee on this!

Kitten
HOLY [censored], THAT BALL CAN BOUNCE!
GET THE [deleted] OUT OF HERE,
THIS STRING IS GREAT!
SON OF A [removed], I CAN RUN SO FAST!
NO [banned] WAY, I JUST BROKE THAT PLATE!
WHAT THE [edited], DID YOU SEE ME JUMP?!
WELL [forbidden] ME, I'M CAUGHT IN A JAR
MOTHER [bleep], I SHOWED THAT LAMP!
OH [cut] NO, THERE GOES YOUR GUITAR!
UN-[denied]-BELIEVABLE,
I CAN CLIMB YOUR LEGS!
NO [blocked] LIE,
I CAN DISTRESS YOUR FLOOR!
FOR [erased] SAKES, ISN'T MY LIFE GRAND?!
SO [censored] SAD I'M A KITTEN
FOR JUST SIX MONTHS MORE!

Closed Doore
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN-
Oh, uh, hello
I did not expect an answer
I did not expect an entrance
I did not expect this room to be
so unbelievably dull
so, uh, goodbye