Neverending story

This was a popular thread on another site I used to visit. One person writes part of a story, then the next person writes the next part of the same story, picking up where the last person left off.

OK here's the start of the story:

Todd is in his bed sleeping. Suddenly, he is awakened by the sound of someone calling his name and pounding on the window. He has a feeling that today is going to be a hell of a day. He gets out of bed, and realizes that the person pounding on his window is . . .

his exgirlfriend. She is frantic so he rushes out of bed and

reaches for his anti-anxiety meds, his ex was of course a real head case, and as an after thought, grabbed his kevlar vest as well. He hears his ex, banging on the door in increasing panic (she moved from the window), he runs down the hall way, and opens the door....

To find his ex standing there with her left arm full of flowers. Her right arm cradles a ham. Gently, as if it's a baby. She looks into his eyes and says . . .

"It's yours. I did it all for you." He backs away slowly, looking very anxious as she makes cooing noises at the ham. He wishes he were in reach of a

Loaf of bread and carving knife. Maybe some mustard too. Todd hears his stomach grumble as he thinks about ham sandwiches, then he recalls the situation. "Hey, Linda. How's it going?" his fingernails are digging into his palms "What did you do for me?" wincing in antipation of the answer.
"well...

"... Don't you remember what day this is?" she queries in response. Todd, nonplused, shakes his head, "No." But by this time, his ex, Sandra, has slipped past him and is heading for the kitchen. It is only then, that it dawns on Todd that

"Where are you hiding your carving knife, these days?" Sandra calls from the kitchen. Todd grasps the phone, and dials 911.

"Don't go to any trouble," Todd shouts.

"What was that?" asks the 911 dispatcher, "Trouble? Where?"

"No trouble at all!" Sandra yells, above a loud grinding sound that is issuing from the kitchen.

"No, I mean yes," Todd says to the operator, as they both hear a bloodcurdling scream. Todd drops the phone and vaults to the kitchen to see what has occurred.

Todd rushes into the kitchen to find Ozzy Osbourne in the kitchen with a horrified Sandra. Ozzy had a dove's head sticking out of his mouth. Before Todd could ask Ozzy what he's doing here, Ozzy . . .

Grabbed Sandra by the shoulders, spit the head into her face and began to shout, "Shaaaen!" again and again.

Having been a fan of the aging rocker for some time, Todd knew immediately that Ozzy meant no harm. He had obviously been having his evening snack, gotten lost, and found himself in a strange kitchen with a redhead.

In his confused and lost state, it was no wonder that poor Ozzy had mistaken Sandra for his own wife Shaaaen. Or, as sober folk pronounce the name, Sharon. Todd saw all of this right away and led Ozzy to the limo he'd noticed parked down the street. Sharon was there to greet them.

Heading home, Todd still had no idea what was going on with Sandra. He was filled with trepidation as he approached his own door and . . .

was immediately distracted again when he heard the limo screech to a halt behind him. As Ozzy stumbled out Todd heard a noise from inside the house that ...

that sounded like a dozen howling monkeys riding stampeding elephants, but was...

Sandra doing who knows what. Oh sh*t, he thought, I haven't even had my first cup of coffee or had the chance to take a leak. I don't need this. He cautiously reentered the house, peered around the corner carefully, and to his disbelief saw....