Keep your eye on the Prize

We all pursue goals. Small ones, large ones, middle sized ones. Typically, a goal is a tangible thing or circumstance. Getting a better job. Finding the perfect mate. Finishing our education. Or perhaps just getting the perfect gift for someone. What seems apparent to me is that all these goals started as something else. They started as a feeling or group of feelings. Something you wanted to feel. To feel safe and secure for instance, or validated, or happy, or loved, or perhaps all of them. The tangible goals we set out sights on are nothing more than something that you hope will bring you what you wanted - namely - that feeling. The house with the white picket fence is a classic old goal, but the real goal was the feelings it represented - safety, security, love, companionship, comfort.

All too often, when people achieve their goals, they end up feeling unfulfilled. It doesn't turn out as you'd hoped it would. The feelings you were reaching for aren't there. So new goals are set, and the process is repeated. Sometimes you simply give up, or perhaps pretend you're satisfied with what you've achieved. So I asked myself - what if I simply pursued the feelings, and didn't bother with a tangible goal? Problem is - how do you do that? How do you pursue a feeling? Seeing as that's rather difficult, I can see why we figure out tangible things to use as goals. They're much easier to pursue, and give us concrete things to do to achieve them.

There's nothing wrong with pursuing tangible goals. Nothing at all. To make it work however, we need to keep in mind that a feeling is our actual goal - not the tangible stand-in we hope will provide it. That feeling is the prize our goal needs to contain. If at any point it becomes clear that it doesn't contain that prize, it should be abandoned, and a new goal chosen. If, as you seek that goal, you feel the prize elsewhere, you should turn and pursue that instead. The prize (feeling) is what you're after - the goal is merely a way to get it.

Our society stresses setting goals, but we, as individuals, need to keep our eye on the prize. Pursuing goals is fine, but ultimately I think the prize is what really matters.

I asked Justin to post this as it's a wonderful insight and I totally agree with it.

We often stick with goals when the reason we set them in the first place are no longer valid. We find our choice no longer suits us but we feel we're committed to see it through. In truth, we never really are.

I completely understand and agree with this.

It's so easy to lose sight of why we are pursuing something. We feel like we have to keep pursuing a goal because we have worked so long and hard at it. But if it no longer suits us, then what is the point?

It's all about listening to yourself. Not about what you think, but what you feel.
For years i've had the goal set to get somewhere in the ICT branche. 2 Years ago i finally gave it a go and started to study. It was pretty easy, but the more i got into it, the harder it became. Did i really want to go there or was it because i've been wanting to get there for so long? Has it really been my dream or was it JUST a dream? I thought about at least finishing the study, but i decided to give it up. Why? Because i really do not want to. And it's not a bad thing to admit to yourself that you had it all wrong.

The same thing goes for the goal to get EVERYONE to like me and to get EVERYONE to understand me. Not only is this an impossible goal, it has never been a true goal. It's about wanting to be accepted. Last year i found out that i indeed want to be accepted, but accepted as the person i am, not as someone i pretend to be.

Goals can be set and pursue it, but it's wise to reflect on goals once in a while, to see if they are still the same goals you have in mind now as to when you set it.

The biggest goal i had set in my life, was the thing that opened my eyes.
To have indeed a house with a white picket fence by the sea and a wonderfull wife.
I've seen it in my dreams and i stuck with that image. The complete tranquility, happy and content. No worries.
I had set my mind to my current partner. I refused to listen to myself and bit into it like a rabbit dog. I was going to make that dream real with her. Even though after less than 2 years, i knew it would not be with her. I was completely focussed on making it work. Why? Because i had that dream and dreams like that come true. Finally after 6 years and living together for about 3 years it slowly began to sink in, that it was not going to work. Yet i still refused to completely accept the decision i had already made more than 4 years ago. How stuborn can someone be? Finally after a period of totalling almost 8 years, i gave in and broke up.
The good thing is that i didn't totally ignore my feelings. Otherwise we would've bought a house and would've had at least 2 kids.

Yeah...it all seems so 'Ecclesiastical'...in that, if you think about it deeply, [as I assume we all mostly do] things really never get 100% fulfilled cause if they did what would be the purpose of our 'drive'. I mean...for myself...the simple act of 'doing' is fulfillment most times. You're either busy 'perfecting' your talents...or just feeling content within the flow of your movements...at that moment. I really love that about any 'movement'; being totally within the moment!
We can always strive to be 'better'...but we will never be 'the best'...because what would be beyond that?
I do love sports...but one thing that always made me sort of smile inwardly was when a team won the championship...the first thing that an interviewed athelete mostly says when asked 'what's next' [besides goin to Disneyland] is; "We need to win it again".
Sure! Why not? Because within that 'drive' lies that place of 'the moment'...or 'the zone of contentment'.
some ol thoughts from the 'small corners'...lol!
b.d.

Somehow the "scanner" pops in my mind. Always doing something, always trying something new. ^_^

So I asked myself - what if I simply pursued the feelings, and didn't bother with a tangible goal? Problem is - how do you do that?

"Pursuing a feeling"...Is that rather diffcult? It could be if you stay locked into feelings that hold you in the space of Patterns (goals and dreams) that are not working for you. A question we can ask ourselves in those moments is-How do I feel right now? And how does that feeling allign to what I have in my life right now? We then can go on to ask ourselves - How do I want to feel? Do we focus on the goal at this point? I dont think we need too. We state the feeling we wish to feel. And thirdly, we then can ask - How would that feel, to have that feeling? If we are afraid and locked into a pattern (job, relationship etc )that we feel afraid in and we want to feel safe and secure...........How would it feel, to feel safe and secure? You might answer. It would feel wonderful, empowering and I would feel so alive..our connection to the new feeling!

This three step process then allows you to move out of the old feeling, know what you want to feel, feel what feeling that feeling would feel like. As we release the old feeling the pattern disperses and we embrace the new feeling. And as we embody the new space, we allign to the goals alligned to that feeling. In many instances as this natural and unique space alligns with our heart, our goals then become not something to strive for, but something that will allign naturally to the space (feeling) we now embody.

Alethia wrote:So I asked myself - what if I simply pursued the feelings, and didn't bother with a tangible goal? Problem is - how do you do that?

"Pursuing a feeling"...Is that rather diffcult? It could be if you stay locked into feelings that hold you in the space of Patterns (goals and dreams) that are not working for you. A question we can ask ourselves in those moments is-How do I feel right now? And how does that feeling allign to what I have in my life right now? We then can go on to ask ourselves - How do I want to feel? Do we focus on the goal at this point? I dont think we need too. We state the feeling we wish to feel. And thirdly, we then can ask - How would that feel, to have that feeling? If we are afraid and locked into a pattern (job, relationship etc )that we feel afraid in and we want to feel safe and secure...........How would it feel, to feel safe and secure? You might answer. It would feel wonderful, empowering and I would feel so alive..our connection to the new feeling!

This three step process then allows you to move out of the old feeling, know what you want to feel, feel what feeling that feeling would feel like. As we release the old feeling the pattern disperses and we embrace the new feeling. And as we embody the new space, we allign to the goals alligned to that feeling. In many instances as this natural and unique space alligns with our heart, our goals then become not something to strive for, but something that will allign naturally to the space (feeling) we now embody.

...Letting the goals come naturally as we strive to feel what we wish to feel... That is a brilliant way to break a pattern one is locked into.

The way to find those answers is not lost, only forgotten and pushed aside like an old horse shoe. I too dream of one day owning that wonderful cottage with the picket fence. Actually a lot of people build that dream of perfection. Or what they believe to be perfection in their lives. Sometimes not everything is possible, however it can be, if you make it possible.

There is comfort and knowledge, and a wealth of things, seen and unseen that you can find in your heart and your mind. Deep in your mind is the connection of finding the answer, and deep in your heart is that truth is real and the only way to live a good life.

So how I see this is, that the 'goal' is what's in your mind, and what you want to achieve. And the feeling is the 'heart' or the prize..So it's a matter of listening to what you feel is right, and what is calling.

We all have goals we set out for ourselves, and sometimes reaching out to achieve them can be a hard task. But trying just once to live in that world of perfectness, where everything is served on a golden platter, can be a beautiful experience, should anyone ever get that chance to try it even for a little bit.

I also strongly think that life it pre-planned for us, which means that destiny and such cannot be changed. Although what we want, and what we need, cannot be obtained sometimes, at least we do try, right?

I personally have over time set up little things that I hope to achieve over time, and I know that if doing my best to make this possible does not work, then it's not meant to happen, and I move on to other great things. Because life has to much to offer, and if one thing does not work, why waste precious time dwelling, on what could, should, or would have been? So having what we always want, sometimes does not work that way, and I guess the reasons behind it, are yet to be discovered.

This is kind of all over the place, but I blame the not having coffee yet for it. it's mumbo jumbo, but I hope this does make sense.

[i]There is comfort and knowledge, and a wealth of things, seen and unseen that you can find in your heart and your mind. Deep in your mind is the connection of finding the answer, and deep in your heart is that truth is real and the only way to live a good life. [/i]

Deep in the mind is the connection to the heart.......how we connect our mind to our heart determines how we allign to truth. Living from the heartspace is good way to live a good life sparkles I agree. How much heart we use to weave our path, depends on what part of the mind is driving us.....the subconscious mind or sleeping space that lies dormant for some can often bring us the outcomes on our path that breaks our heart. The question then becomes...What is in our subconscious mind that is alligning us to goals we are not fully contented with?

You ever wonder if there even is a goal for all of us? You're expected to have goals. If i listen to myself, i don't really have a goal. Unless the goal is to grow and go further. But it's not something you can define or touch. I'm like water i guess. No set goal, it just runs until it reaches the big ocean. And yes, you can take that ocean in a metaphorical sense

I did. A few times even. I set myself the goal to eat an entire cake all by myself.
And yes, i did succeed sometimes ^_^

tezorian wrote:Somehow the "scanner" pops in my mind...

Something I've had difficulty with most of my life.

You're not the only one waterdragon ^_^

Bit off topic, but we have a few threads about scanners. It's a pretty common orientation with HSPs. Speaking of which...(thinks back on all the things I've done...)

Reamsie wrote:I think we are all just never ending projects. Realistically does anyone ever master or obtain 100% of any goal whether tangilbe or intangible? To think you have, is just to fool yourself. Not sure where I'm going with this, just a thought that popped in.

This is true; we are ongoing and growing. Our desired prizes change as we do too. Nevertheless, people have a tendency to cling to what no longer works, preferring the known to change and sacrificing what it was they were trying to get in the first place.

Reamsie wrote:I think we are all just never ending projects. Realistically does anyone ever master or obtain 100% of any goal whether tangilbe or intangible? To think you have, is just to fool yourself. Not sure where I'm going with this, just a thought that popped in.

We really are never ending projects Reamsie..I believe that. Maybe those goals we do not acheive 100% are actually "acheived" but are inclusive of others in the mix, in other words isn't everything in this life a shared project/dream/goal and the end results are not always apparent to our eyes!

tezorian wrote:I did. A few times even. I set myself the goal to eat an entire cake all by myself.
And yes, i did succeed sometimes ^_^

The "taurean" appetite is shining through today... ^_^

tezorian wrote:You ever wonder if there even is a goal for all of us? You're expected to have goals. If i listen to myself, i don't really have a goal. Unless the goal is to grow and go further. But it's not something you can define or touch. I'm like water i guess. No set goal, it just runs until it reaches the big ocean. And yes, you can take that ocean in a metaphorical sense

This is a good one, which I totally agree with. See just the other day, I was telling someone in here, that as a kid, I'd plan my life out. I would actually sit down, with a book and pen and start writing everything I wanted and how I wanted it. From what age I'd get married, to what kind of wedding I'd like to have (I even have a scrap book made up of this) to what kind of house I'd want to live in. Basically every little thing we'd want in our lives, that would make us happy.

However, as we grow older, we realize wtf? None of this is really important. I mean, sure we want a happy life and a little something beautiful, but we can't always get what we want. I gave up wanting all this when nothing turned out how I wanted it to. See One thing I failed to neglect in my life, in wanting everything, but totally forgot that LOVE is more important than any of this. If I was rich, and had everything, I'd give it all away just to find true love.

So now I live my life, and never plan it, take each day as it comes, and hopefully one day find that special person whom I can share things with and maybe if I'm lucky, be that bride that I so want to be walking down that aisle.

And I talk too much.

Sparkles wrote:

tezorian wrote:You ever wonder if there even is a goal for all of us? You're expected to have goals. If i listen to myself, i don't really have a goal. Unless the goal is to grow and go further. But it's not something you can define or touch. I'm like water i guess. No set goal, it just runs until it reaches the big ocean. And yes, you can take that ocean in a metaphorical sense

This is a good one, which I totally agree with. See just the other day, I was telling someone in here, that as a kid, I'd plan my life out. I would actually sit down, with a book and pen and start writing everything I wanted and how I wanted it. From what age I'd get married, to what kind of wedding I'd like to have (I even have a scrap book made up of this) to what kind of house I'd want to live in. Basically every little thing we'd want in our lives, that would make us happy.

However, as we grow older, we realize wtf? None of this is really important. I mean, sure we want a happy life and a little something beautiful, but we can't always get what we want. I gave up wanting all this when nothing turned out how I wanted it to. See One thing I failed to neglect in my life, in wanting everything, but totally forgot that LOVE is more important than any of this. If I was rich, and had everything, I'd give it all away just to find true love.

So now I live my life, and never plan it, take each day as it comes, and hopefully one day find that special person whom I can share things with and maybe if I'm lucky, be that bride that I so want to be walking down that aisle.

And I talk too much.

One should never let go of the dreams inside our heart. A long time back I set down on paper the things I too wanted for myself and life. When I think back it was about healing. I wanted to be healed, I wanted my family to be healed too. I remember I finished it up with GOLD all over that piece of paper....as a final space I wanted to reach. At the time I never understood what that gold meant. Now I do. At the end of our rainbow is a pot of gold just waiting for us. To reach it, we dream, we embrace the dream and do what it takes to get there. It took me long time to finally "feel" that gold and dream. It was a long and hard journey at times, but I made it this far and hope others now too find their pot of gold...because we each deserve that space.

About six months ago I did another dream board in my new space. On my dream board it wasnt about healing....it was about me and where I fit now in the space of my first dream. When I look at that board this time round I can see joy, love and so many beautiful things on that board......and now as I see each of those things unfold in my life...I can smile inside....a big smile

That's very beautiful Alethia, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who started writing things down as a kid. Because I see that being a kid, you have great expectation of what you want in your life and the goals or dreams you want to pursue.

I'm glad that everything you've wanted and even finding that pot of gold at the end of that rainbow is even more special in your life. And you go girl and keep smiling, because a smile a day, makes you work, rest and play. Wait is that how it goes?

Another thing I forgot to write down in my post is that life isn't about wanting expensive cars, or buying expensive clothes, or even fancy restaurants, it's about opening your heart to something special and that special someone. It's all about love. It's all about creating that special place inside you that tingles when you get those cute little butterflies that mean so much inside.
I can't stop typing.

Yes, and funny enough, you do not need to find that special someone to feel it; it is all within you.