The Stranger

In the song "The Stranger" by Billy Joel, the protagonist has been in a very close relationship with a woman for a long time. Then one day he discovers something shocking about her personality that he had no idea about. He calls this shocking aspect of her personality "the stranger."

Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger?
Did you ever let your lover see
The stranger in yourself?

Although the song refers to a romantic relationship, the same phenomenon can apply to any close friendship or relationship. Have you ever seen "the stranger" in someone you thought you knew very well for a long period of time? How did it make you feel, and how did it affect your relationship with this person?

I admit that this thread was kind of about me.

Some people here seem to think that my sick and dark humor only comes up once in a blue moon, like when I'm drunk or something.

Truth is, I seek it out and laugh my ass off at it each and every single day, whether drunk or stone-cold sober. It is only a part of me, but a much bigger part of me than most people here seem to think.

This has really been on my mind a lot over the past week. One person here had a very ugly encounter with "the stranger" in me last Tuesday. (S)he was very appalled by him, and didn't quite know what to make of him.

Just for the record, I have no plans on changing who I am. I still love sick humor, and I always will for the forseeable future. If you don't grow out of that shit by your mid-30s, you never do. All I can promise everyone is I'll try to hide the ugly parts of myself as much as possible. But I am who I am, and people can take me or leave me.

I consider the people here to be the "forever" type of friends, which means that it's only a matter of time before the rest of you meet "the stranger." That's why I wanted to get this out of the way now, because the longer it is before you guys discover this, the more heartbreak and grief it'll cause everybody. I hope you all still love me after seeing "the stranger" in me.

I'm just feeling really low right now, because both personal things and techincal problems seem to be distancing us from each other.

I think we all have a bit of a stranger within us. For me, I think, because of my age, people expect me to act a certain way. As you have seen in some chats, I can come out with some things that sort of take some folks aback. Actually, I don't see that aspect of me as a stranger because for me, it is just part and parcel of the whole of who I am. It's sort of like we have fallen into some place where every thing is a speciality and this sort of seems to include one's personality, likes and dislikes. In all reality, there is nothing incongruous about me and my behaviors. The incongruity seems to lie with other's perceptions of what and who I should be and behave. If anything, I will sometimes hedge what I am saying because of other peoples' perceptions, because sometimes it is easier not to shock them. Each situation is different and that's why I do try to stay in the moment because then I can pretty much assess what to do at that moment. And sometimes I am feeling a bit risque so I will risk it and let it rip.

But getting back to the stranger thing, I think there was that side of me when I was trying to be someone that everyone else wanted me to be. That caused a fracture of sorts. So there was this really good side of me but then there was also this very dark side. That side scared me so I can't even begin to imagine what it would have done to someone else. Then if my "stranger" surfaced, yeah it would have very much shocked most people. That's what you get in that kind of duality though. The goodness will be balanced by the badness.

Anyway, just some thoughts on this. And, yeah, I sort of miss the chats too.

Nucky, that is one of my all time favorite songs.
Back in the eighties when I first heard those lyrics it hit me like a bullet in the head. So much meaning in so few words.
Yes, when we are criticizing and complaining about those around us, those we love, or those we are just "stuck" with, do we ever think about why they bug us?

We guard the stranger in ourselves. We all have that stranger in a closet, some deeper than others. Sometimes it's hard to remember and have compassion or empathy when we see the stranger in others.

And yet, deep down we are all part of the whole.
I like to think about it like lakes....
yeah, that's it... lakes.... stay with me here...

on the surface, lakes can be similar or wildly different, some large, some small, some frozen, reedy, tropical, murky, clear, choppy, smooth and all are different at different times.
But they are all water, and under the surface while some are still different, the deeper you go, the more similar they all become until at the very bottom (and we are all very, very deep lakes)they are all still and silent, calm and at a strange kind of peace.

Although we need to honor our differences, there is strength in diversity and there is a reason we are all different, people often need to remember how we are all part of a greater whole, and honor and cherish that too.

Good analogy, Blue. And I'm in agreement with you there, too.