Feeling at home

After yet another interesting experience from yesterday I had an insight that is worth sharing. I am truly eccentric and don't really fit in anywhere. What I've come to realize through a life time of great experiences is provided where you are is not toxic, if you don't fit in anywhere, and you truly like yourself, you feel at home everywhere.

I'm seeing this too, although I just consider it being an individual or "doing my own thing." Also agreed - when you can make a home in your own soul, anywhere feels alright. (But if you feel that you don't fit - others will definitely reflect that back to you! haha.)

Too true about that reflection, lol. I guess all we need to do is fit with ourselves.

melodiccolor wrote:Too true about that reflection, lol.  I guess all we need to do is fit with ourselves.

Haha, after scaring yet another stranger with my "intense vibes" I'm finding this is the only place I *can* fit xD

Cat wrote:

melodiccolor wrote:Too true about that reflection, lol.  I guess all we need to do is fit with ourselves.

Haha, after scaring yet another stranger with my "intense vibes" I'm finding this is the only place I *can* fit xD

In all honesty, it's the only place anyone can truly fit as everyone is unique, yet we keep expecting everyone else to be just like us! Silly humans...

melodiccolor wrote:

Cat wrote:

melodiccolor wrote:Too true about that reflection, lol.  I guess all we need to do is fit with ourselves.

Haha, after scaring yet another stranger with my "intense vibes" I'm finding this is the only place I *can* fit xD

 In all honesty, it's the only place anyone can truly fit as everyone is unique, yet we keep expecting everyone else to be just like us!  Silly humans...

yep xD



Just one of the ways we rail against the existential aloneness, I guess.

It’s funny this. I tend to fit everywhere, I am of recent times, but recently at an event I became aware how people can engage in loud noises, whether it be loud music, loud conversations over running the room. I find it impossible to project my voice in these situations almost feeling like I’m straining and not able to feel clear in my conveying, also it creates disturbance to my connection in myself. I talked to the person beside me, but I notice cross table conversations were happening, simply because people could project their voice above the noise..

Is this just me?

Alethia wrote:It’s funny this. I tend to fit everywhere, I am of recent times,  but recently at an event I became aware how people can engage in loud noises, whether it be loud music, loud conversations over running the room. I find it impossible to project my voice in these situations almost feeling like I’m straining and not able to feel clear in my conveying, also it creates disturbance to my connection in myself. I talked to the person beside me, but I notice cross table conversations were happening, simply because people could project their voice above the noise..

Is this just me?

Nope. In such situations, I'm glad I have a natural orator's voice, but I find it hard to hear what others are saying unless besides me.

It doesn't disturb internal connections in me because I can sync to the energy of a crowd yet still remain in my own, playing with it as a whole. But loud noise like that does tend to disturb concentration, drain after awhile, and can eventually overwhelm or get physically painful. I don't remain when that hits.

I think it was a combination of music too loud, movements, conversations, all combined causing the issue.

The fact that you naturally have an orators voice, it definitely helps.

Add to the mix I have hearing aids so the elevated noise probably reflected more so for me.

Alethia wrote:I think it was a combination of music too loud, movements, conversations, all combined causing the issue.

The fact that you naturally have an orators voice, it definitely helps.

Add to the mix I have hearing aids so the elevated noise probably reflected more so for me.

So it's not that we don't feel at home with the people there, but it's the environment that's the problem; it's one of overload.

We still fit in on an emotional connection level.

I'm still learning to not get so overwhelmed.
If I can learn to swim in it like a fish perhaps I would not need to avoid.
We are surrounded anyway so there is no escape, only somehow going with the flow and staying afloat.
I didn't learn to physically swim in water either. Perhaps I should and then begin to live the metaphor.

melodiccolor wrote:

Alethia wrote:I think it was a combination of music too loud, movements, conversations, all combined causing the issue.

The fact that you naturally have an orators voice, it definitely helps.

Add to the mix I have hearing aids so the elevated noise probably reflected more so for me.

 

So it's not that we don't feel at home with the people there, but it's the environment that's the problem; it's one of overload.

We still fit in on an emotional connection level.

In those moments it was more a case of being ok in not being able to engage as I would have liked in that setting. Loud music with a need to really project one’s voice doesn’t really allow for deep conversations. Instead you see people drinking lots, surface conversations and banter, so in this way the noise wouldn’t upset that kind of engagement. It actually creates a need for it, so those in that stream partying in this way, it doesn’t pose too much of a problem..

Grasshopper wrote:I'm still learning to not get so overwhelmed.
If I can learn to swim in it like a fish perhaps I would not need to avoid.
We are surrounded anyway so there is no escape, only somehow going with the flow and staying afloat.
I didn't learn to physically swim in water either. Perhaps I should and then begin to live the metaphor.

I’ve learned to flow with people as they are, maybe in this instance it was a bigger host of conditions and learning how too much noise and distractions, interferes with being able to connect. If you drink lots, like to party and keep the conversations to bare minimum I guess it works.

I like your metaphor, it makes sense.

Alethia wrote:

melodiccolor wrote:

Alethia wrote:I think it was a combination of music too loud, movements, conversations, all combined causing the issue.

The fact that you naturally have an orators voice, it definitely helps.

Add to the mix I have hearing aids so the elevated noise probably reflected more so for me.

 

So it's not that we don't feel at home with the people there, but it's the environment that's the problem; it's one of overload.

We still fit in on an emotional connection level.

In those moments it was more a case of being ok in not being able to engage as I would have liked in that setting. Loud music with a need to really project one’s voice doesn’t really allow for deep conversations. Instead you see people drinking lots, surface conversations and banter, so in this way the noise wouldn’t upset that kind of engagement. It actually creates a need for it, so those in that stream partying in this way, it doesn’t pose too much of a problem..

Putting it that way, it seems partying is designed to prevent forming deep connections while allowing people to feel less lonely while having fun overloading. Those who are not HSP seem to love doing that.

Grasshopper wrote:I'm still learning to not get so overwhelmed.
If I can learn to swim in it like a fish perhaps I would not need to avoid.
We are surrounded anyway so there is no escape, only somehow going with the flow and staying afloat.
I didn't learn to physically swim in water either. Perhaps I should and then begin to live the metaphor.

That is a great metaphor. What kinds of overwhelm are you dealing with?

Overwhelm can come in so many ways as part of everyday life if you an HSP.
It's not like someone/thing is out out get me tho it may feel that way :-).
The trick is to not let things get too traumatic. I need to take lots of brakes and slow down, which can impair progress, and sometimes irritate others because I am such a slow person to begin with!

I like this clinical definition of trauma I heard recently:
Too much, too fast, too soon, or not enough of what you need (time, support, resources, ability, practice, self-confidence, etc).
And as a corollary:
If it is hysterical, it is historical (meaning you have unresolved issues from your past adding to your stress and over-reactions).

As I get older (now 80) I find everything takes more effort to do and takes more time. Luckily I have few obligations and deadlines so can take my time, my schedule, my priorities.
This doesn't mean I don't get the important things done, develop more expertise and learn new things, it's just more challenging.

Grasshopper wrote:Overwhelm can come in so many ways as part of everyday life if you an HSP.
It's not like someone/thing is out out get me tho it may feel that way :-).
The trick is to not let things get too traumatic. I need to take lots of brakes and slow down, which can impair progress, and sometimes irritate others because I am such a slow person to begin with!

I like this clinical definition of trauma I heard recently:
Too much, too fast, too soon, or not enough of what you need (time, support, resources, ability, practice, self-confidence, etc).
And as a corollary:
If it is hysterical, it is historical (meaning you have unresolved issues from your past adding to your stress and over-reactions).

As I get older (now 80) I find everything takes more effort to do and takes more time. Luckily I have few obligations and deadlines so can take my time, my schedule, my priorities.
This doesn't mean I don't get the important things done, develop more expertise and learn new things, it's just more challenging.

So too much coming at you too fast with expectations is what overwhelms you, as well as the trauma of the past amplifying your reactions and sending you into a too strong reaction or even one of those emotional and cognitive brain freezes that can happen to us all. I guess with too much unhealed stuff from the past, reaching it comes much earlier than when healed and clear. It does also when we're under extreme stress in the present, handling things and then out of right field something happens that just derails everything for awhile. It takes an incredible amount to get me there but I learned I can.

Physical overwhelm can still get me easier though.

Yep with age, we all slow down whether we want to or not, even those who are not hsp. That is not the same thing as shutting down. Those of us who know you know you are more than up to tackling the hard important time consuming stuff. And the habit of learning was a crucial habit to have given what you needed to do. I hope after that, learning is still a joy.

Yes, I cherish the joys! After picking up the pieces I can proceed another day.
As for learning, I have too many interests and need to pick them carefully.

Grasshopper wrote:Yes, I cherish the joys! After picking up the pieces I can proceed another day.
As for learning, I have too many interests and need to pick them carefully.

I know linearity is a foreign concept to most of us, we need only approach interests in that way so they don't all descend on us all at once.  The young assume it must be done NOW.  Silly young...

I have a very very long line of stuff I wish to learn. As soon as life stops getting in the way and the learning required to deal with it.

I'm always glad to get helpful reminders, there are so many here on this site and elsewhere. This well-written article has rich advice for HSPs:
https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/hygge/

That whole site is quite good and well organized.
I'm going to post the article on our public page here also, as well as on HSP Dimension FB page, and my HSPtweets feed.

Grasshopper wrote:I'm always glad to get helpful reminders, there are so many here on this site and elsewhere. This well-written article has rich advice for HSPs:
https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/hygge/

That whole site is quite good and well organized.
I'm going to post the article on our public page here also, as well as on HSP Dimension FB page, and my HSPtweets feed.

Thanks for the article and the site.  I found another article there I just love:

https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/this-is-better-term-for-highly-sensitive-person/

She may have finally come up with the perfect term for us without the connotative problems!   And it describes our trait even better.

This umbrella overview of HSP theories troubles me in that it focuses on only one aspect of HSP; cognitive and emotional; brain function. I have noticed HSP extends to the physiological and even cellular levels and those are not being addressed in research it seems currently. https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/four-theories-of-sensitivity-highly-sensitive-people/